If Link (From the Zelda series) Could Talk, What Would He Say?

Here are some examples:

*After Shiek reveals that she is Zelda in OoT*
Zelda: Yes. It is me... Zelda...
Link: ... Your hot...
Zelda: *Vein* ... *Slaps him* ... Your hormones can wait!!
Link: Dude, I got slapped by a hot chick! Awesome!
Zelda: ...
Navi:...  

Navi: LINK LINK LINK LINK LINK LINK LINK LINK LINK LINK
Link: What is it Navi!!!?!?
Navi: Look
Link: *glare* Coulda just said that in the first place

When he's wokeun up after like seven years by the sage of light.
Sage: finnaly, your awake
Link: Woah, *bleep* man... Look at those muscles!
Sage: your soul has been kept here for seven years becau...
Link: Dude what the *bleep*? you had to keep me here? you couldn't just let me go and live my child hood like everyone else.
Sage: well, we could have..but..
Link: Oh so you wanted to be a selfish bitch and have me all to yourself!?
Sage: no.. its just
Link: NO! I'm not taking your excuses! Seven years! SERIOSLY! I never even got to first base with Saria or Zelda!
Sage: I'm sorry, but the past can't be changed..
Link: Can't be changed my foot!
*whips out sword*
Link: Now, take me back to my child hood or else
Sage: uh...oops we're all out of time sorry gotta go do...sage stuff..
*Link appears at temple*
Link: WHAT THE *bleep*!?!
Navi: Look Link the Temple is the same!
Link: Shut up Navi
Navi:....
Shiek: Ah, I've been waiting for you
Link: *Bleep*! A mummy! Navi! KILL IT!
Shiek: (blah blah save the world blah) did you get all that
yes
no
Link: You were talking?
Shiek: DAMMIT LINK LISTEN FOR ONCE!
Navi: Yeah, Link, LISTEN!!! Like I tell you to do a hundred times a day!
Link: Oh, shut it Navi, it's not like your information is useful anyhow
Shiek: Well, you idiots are on your own.
Link: Idiot?
*whips out sword*
Link: Lets see if you think I'm an idiot when you don't have a head!!!
*Shiek dissapears*
Link: DAMMIT! wait....Navi! LOOK FOR A TRAP DOOR! That mummy won't escape from me.
*Shiek reappears*
Navi: Um...you might not want to kill him.
Link: Why not?!
Navi: 'Cuz the game would be over and we're only half-way through it!
Link: Whadda you know? In games like this, the mysterious person who helps you through the game is always the enemy.
Navi: WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING!?!
Link: Crack
Navi: You can get lung cancer from that!
Link: Shows what you know, that's from cigarettes!
Navi: That's it, give me the pipe
Link: NO!
*cuts Navi in half*
Link: stupid piece of light, pipes are for Link.
*Shiek reappears*
Shiek: "Before you go berserk and kill me, let me teach this annoying song you must play if don't want to travel through the Zombie Plaza of Death every time you want to come here."
*gets out harp and starts jammin' to the beginning of 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams'*
Shiek: "oops! Wrong prelude."
*plays Prelude of Light*
Link: WTF?!?!?
Navi: Ok... that song isn't catchy...
Link: WTF?!?!? I have to kill him! ... Or is it a her?
Sheik: ...
Link: I mean look at it!
Sheik: ...
Link: IT'S sooo ugly!
Shiek: I'm a woman! Damnit! Just... Get the hookshot, go to the Lost woods... and save one of your 3 girlfriends!
Link: Wow! Once your old you get women all over you!
Navi & Shiek: [to Link] ...*bleep*...
*to Shiek*
Navi: "...Are you a he-she?"
Shiek: "Just get outta here!"
Link: ...He-she... *Laughs*
Shiek: Get the *bleep* out!!!
Link: *Screams like a little girl and runs out of the temple*
Shiek: [To Navi] Geez... now thats very manly... *Rolls eyes*
Navi: ... Why me? ... *Floats off to find Link*
Shiek: *Looks around* ... *Takes off the scarf* God! Why did I get this stinky thing!! *Takes a deep breath and puts it back on*

Link (to Owl): Dude...your an owl...
Navi: Yes. He's an owl. And your a little kid, now come on, little boy, time to get the sword...
Link (to Navi): Dude...he's an owl...
Navi: Listen, Link. *Link comes closer and Navi is up to his ear* GO GET THE GODDAMN SWORD!
~`At Light Temple`~
Link: Shiny...*staring at the three gems*
Navi: Link...
Link: *walks over to sword and grabs the handle*
~`Years later`~
Link: Whoa...*holding sword*
Shiek: You. Boy. Get Hookshot. Save girlfriend.
Link: Whatever man...
~`At Temple`~
Link: Woah...Is that Saria? *just saved Saria*
Saria: Oh, Link. You saved me! How can I ever repay you?
Link: ...well there is one wa---ow.
Navi: Don't even think it. *had hit Link*
Saria: *teleports*
Link: Aww man.
~`Water Temple`~
Link: Lookie! I can swim! *sinks*
Navi: ...Moron.
~`Fire Temple`~
Link: Look, a cute little fire bat *tries to touch* Ow.
Navi: It's hot...
~`Light Temple`~
Shiek: You. Boy. Put sword back. Too much moron to be Hero.
Link: *picking ear* Uh...OK. *puts sword back*
~`Years Earlier`~
Link: Woah...
Navi: Well, Link, what did you learn?
Link: Saria was hot.
Navi: Dumb*bleep*

Zelda: Please, Link, help my Father he is-
Link: HOLY CRAP! The king is getting killed!!
Zelda: What? Oh, no. My father is dead. I'll never be queen now...
Link: APRIL FOOLS!
Zelda: ...It's December.

*arrives in Zora's Domain when it's frozen over and walks up the ramp*
Link: "Hey look! A diving cliff! YAAAAAAH!"
Navi: "Link! There isn't any-"
*he slams head-first into the ice*
Link: "Whadduya' know...there isn't any water."
Navi: "No Link...there isn't."
Link: "Navi?"
Navi: "...yes Link?"
Link: "I think my neck's broken in three places."
Navi: "Good, maybe the game will be over."
Link: No, wait, I think I'm alright.
Navi: *hits Link over the head with frying pan* No he's not! *shifty look* *lights match and sticks it behind his ear while he catches fire* *slowly backs up and flies out of Zora's Domain*
*he runs out of Zora's Domain, still partially on fire*
Link: "Hey, Navi! The water melted again! ...Navi?"
Navi: *pays cucco to chase Link*
Link: *hears clucking behind him and slowly turns* No...It's not...possible. THE CUCCOS!!! *runs into a nearby building and laughs at confused cuccos through the window. Cuccos appear next to him* (*insert phsyco theme here*) *stumbles out of the house and runs into Shiek*
Shiek: Where are you going? You have to stand and fight!
Link: It's useless. There's no stopping them. Game over, man, game over. We're finished, we're through.